My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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