when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
