oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
