You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
