you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
