not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
