woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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