We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
