And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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