Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
