Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
