i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
