Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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