Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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