hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
