We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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