Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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