The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
