On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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