I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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