I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
