I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
