how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
