Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
