I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
