Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
