so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
