dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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