I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
