no, he came in my armpit
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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