We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
