i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
