i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
