I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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