TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
