Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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