I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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