So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
