so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
