Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
