Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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