it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
