i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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