Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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