why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
