it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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