My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
