he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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