Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
