32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
