i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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