I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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