we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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