We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
