I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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