were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I AM VODKA MAN
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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