yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Soap is not a condiment
where am i from again
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
