I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
