he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
