new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
