No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
