Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
