So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
