1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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