Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
