Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize