Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
