Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
