the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
