i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
