Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
