how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
