I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
