My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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