is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
