The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
