Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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