He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
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Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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