when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
