KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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