Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
