so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
