Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
